By this Author: bondabe

I am thinking at random while my fingers are tapping the keyboard. I find it hard to write from within these days and I feel terrible I have no inspiration. Well, nothing that I am brave enough to write about.

There's too many ideals in my head that I can't even hold a grip of. I wanted to be passive and not care too much. But how can I not when all those that I crave for are tangible?

I feel terrible today. There are chances that I missed. I am on the process of identifying the misconnects. Battling on what matters and what shouldn't. I need to revisit the time management quadrant. Ugh! there's just too much to analyze. I wish I have more time.

I always walk tall and I am always recognizable. I don't have my feet on the ground. That may be the issue. There's just nothing that can make me pale out. There's nothing that can intimidate me.

What beauty could there be in silence? What good could there be in a traction-less world? Since time immemorial I wanted to have a grip of everything that makes me me. And there are a lot of them. The offing looks bleak. Currently I am out of bliss and peace of mind.

summer's end on the road,
driving against the cold.

reminiscing.
crying.
hurting.

left with emotions on a downpour,
while thinking about the other fool.

fast forward.

at a bright summer day stop,
on the seasons of flowers and blooms.
you handed two roses and a thorn.


(now wondering what's next, what's gonna happen)

Breeze.
As warm as the summer sun.

Possibilities.
As endless as the horizon before me.

Memories.
As lively as they happened.

I run fast to catch a train.
Ended up behind a stage.

Red, blue, green.
Lights on and drapes up.

There you are on the other side.

I swayed into the light.
With fluid moves you advanced.
Though hazy was the sight of you.

You held my hand.
Guided me through the melody.

Glided under the high ceilings of velvet darkness.
Swayed into the vast floor without traction.

Your scent, different.
Your moves, restricted.
Your grips, a bit hurting.
Your mouth, wordless.

I paused for a moment.
Then realized someone stole the show.
I am sad it wasn't you.

Confined within my four corners.
Rain pounded heavily on the roof.
The wind blew chills into my window.
Constantly.

The ceiling turned into a silverscreen.
Where images of the past flashed.

Then there was me.
Then there was you.
Then there was us.

How the candles lit.
How the coffee simmered.
How the dew showered the bloom.
How the night gave way to another morning.
How everything seemed alright.

I remember them places.
Where we held hands.
Where we walk and run.
Where we laugh.
Where we lie down together.

I remember them melodies.
Those that we sung.
Those that we swayed to.

Them places and melodies are not the same.
Not as they were when there was me.
When there was you.
When there was us.

You are but far.
Out from my reach.
Out from my touch.

Now everywhere is cold.
Now finding my escape into warmth.
Now waiting for you.

i felt to dissapointed with myself lately. i failed.

i was waiting for my food to be served at an al fresco cafe by the sidewalk.
there were two passers-by - an gran with his schoolboy apo.
the youngster pointed at the banana que displayed at the cafe - a gesture i used when i was a kid if i wanted mom to buy me something.

the gran asked the attendant how much a stick of two bananas is.
"tweleve," answered the attendant.

the gran then grabbed the arm of the boy and explained to him, "i can't afford it boy. it's expensive. let's check that store down the alley going home."

hesitantly and still looking at the banana cues, the boy walked along with the gran.

images of me during those times when i badly wanted something i can't afford came flashing before me. the emotions came rushing back. painful ones.

i wanted to buy one and hand it to the boy but my reflexes were just too slow. he and his gran were out of sight. i was too late.

twelve pesos is just twelve pesos on a payday. i missed the chance of making a little boy smile. i regret i missed that chance to share.

Roamin’ ‘round the urban jungle,
Searchin’ soul, takin’ the wheel around for fortune.
Cruisin’ the streets with a frown, takin’ chances.

Virtual reality, met you just plain,
Nothing special, nothing intricate.
Time passin’, we are evolvin’,
Relatin’ you stuff and your wags,
Surfin’ the net, got your picture,
Thinkin’ ‘about you, live colorful.

Made me thought you are,
Taking hours of talking sweet nothins’.
Talkin’ ‘bout you and me but not “us.”

I hear you,
Say “take care for me,”
I hear you,
Say “yah gotta be sweet to me,”
I hear you,
Say “quit smokin,”

What gives?

You seem not to care,
Care for whatever that may matter.
What gives?

Insensitive, I’m givin, givin up.
No pressures on you, it’s all on me.
Givin’ up all nothins’
What gives?







m+e
mirror+echo by ~jodybon

'twas a story i thought was true.

we were walking under the moonlight,
by the beach of endless stretch.

cold breeze brushed against my skin.
we talked a while about you and me and us together,
about endless smiles and endless dreams.

we swore to be there when the sun sets
til it rises again.
you whispered you love me,
held my hand tight and kissed me dearly.

time run slow.

my world turned to glitters of silver and gold,
night birds chorused into a song,

mem’ries are but tears by now,
and i cant help but cry,
cry fake tears.

for my heart felt numb,
my eyes all dried up.
the fairytale-for-show ended.

tears flow,
emotions poured.

the clouds were gone
the birds ceased singing
the fidlers fled.

i am left desolate,
alone and heartbroken
and i cant help but cry,
cry fake tears.

for my heart felt numb,
my eyes all dried up.
and i cant help but cry,
cry fake tears.








m+e
mirror+echo by ~jodybon

behind the ruins of my maternal home i saw the care-free kid that i was. life then was a combination of simples - food on the table every meal, trip to the farm in the afternoons, playtime with siblings, bedtime stories retold tirelessly by grandma and fetching water among others.

back then, i had good friends. we share endless chats, escapades to nearby communities, basketball games, watch movies and simply making the best out from what was made available for us. twas fun. twas simple and things are just within reach.

zooming back to the city life that i have been living for 10 years now, things are quite different. in totality, my city life is great! starbucks is a part of my existence now. so are facebook, classy food places, nightouts, alcohol and marlboro. it's fun! everytime i face in the mirror, i would take pride of myself. i am famous at my workplace, i have a laptop, i have great friends and i am above average.

but even with all these that i am enjoying now, i don't feel contentment. well, not being contented must be everyone's nature. i guess.

this contentment issue for me boils down to who i have become over the past ten years. a self evaluation paper yielded the following: my family is not a priority (i chose time with friends over time with family), things go easy, money slips out from my hand in a swish, i am materialistic, i chose to wander around over going to church, i am hard on my siblings, i prioritize things according to their level of excitement and i don't have any sense of humility, among others.

i find it difficult to sleep after work. most of the times i will be lying on my bed wide awake, my mind is often animated by the things i want to acquire the soonest - a digital slr, a blackberry smartphone, a macbook, roundtrip tickets to singapore or hongkong or bangkok, a pair of signature shoes and maybe a pair of signature sunglasses.

without me noticing it, all these thoughts and all these ways of living are intoxicating me and the person that i was.

during my visit to grandma last week, i realized something - i have to become part of that place again and i am looking forward to seeing what is the next me.

Nothing can be seen from the outside except for the light streaks marred by the seemingly unstoppable rain. I was staring at my reflection on the glass window pane.
Nothing much of a sight to be happy about – just the same disturbed and tired individual trying every shot at life.
Then I noticed he was standing behind me sporting a sad face, seemingly hiding something behind his muted mouth.
The sight of him got me both happy and worried. Happy because I finally saw him after what seemed like ages of waiting. Sad because it may not be real.
Staring at him from our reflection, I asked him if he was fine. No answer. Then he let out a stifled laughter. I frowned and asked him what’s the matter.
Then he paced back to the empty space of the room and mumbled something I cant decipher. I got rooted on the very spot I was standing before he appeared. I cant turn my head towards him for some reasons. I followed his motion reflected on the window pane.
He stopped at the wall behind and sighed. Staring at me from behind, he went with his litany of how stiff I am with him. He said I am sarcastic most of the times and he never felt like I am nice to him. He said he should be asking his girl to be sweet with him but for some reasons he wanted all those care and sweetness from me.
I was dumb-struck and didn’t know how to respond.
I bowed my head low reeling back in time and recalling the many conversations we had. Was I not caring and sweet at all? Was I not sensitive?
He continued on telling me he too is human and no matter how dumb he might be, how immature he might be, how stupid he might be, he still got feelings and can feel hurt too.
I remained on my confused state and never knew how to respond. I was still rooted and can’t say even a word.
The last word he said was “Take care of yourself for me.” Then he fell silent.
Still rooted on the spot, I turned my head towards where he was standing a couple of moments ago. But he was gone.
Was I dreaming? I didn’t hear the door close. I didn’t even hear it open earlier. Was he a ghost? Would i still be able to hear from him? Am I losing him forever?
I was darn confused and tears came rolling down my cheeks.
Maybe I was just thinking of him too much that he materialized but was gone as instantly as he appeared.
Maybe we are never meant to talk to him.
Maybe.

Roamin’ ‘round the urban jungle,
Searchin’ soul, takin’ the wheel around for fortune.
Cruisin’ the streets with a frown, takin’ chances.

Virtual reality, met you just plain,
Nothing special, nothing intricate.
Time passin’, we are evolvin’,
Relatin’ you stuff and your wags,
Surfin’ the net, got your picture,
Thinkin’ ‘about you, live colorful.

Made me thought you are,
Taking hours of talking sweet nothins’.
Talkin’ ‘bout you and me but not “us.”

I hear you,
Say “take care for me,”
I hear you,
Say “yah gotta be sweet to me,”
I hear you,
Say “quit smokin,”

What gives?

You seem not to care,
Care for whatever that may matter.
What gives?

Insensitive, I’m givin, givin up.
No pressures on you, it’s all on me.
Givin’ up all nothins’
What gives?