who

behind the ruins of my maternal home i saw the care-free kid that i was. life then was a combination of simples - food on the table every meal, trip to the farm in the afternoons, playtime with siblings, bedtime stories retold tirelessly by grandma and fetching water among others.

back then, i had good friends. we share endless chats, escapades to nearby communities, basketball games, watch movies and simply making the best out from what was made available for us. twas fun. twas simple and things are just within reach.

zooming back to the city life that i have been living for 10 years now, things are quite different. in totality, my city life is great! starbucks is a part of my existence now. so are facebook, classy food places, nightouts, alcohol and marlboro. it's fun! everytime i face in the mirror, i would take pride of myself. i am famous at my workplace, i have a laptop, i have great friends and i am above average.

but even with all these that i am enjoying now, i don't feel contentment. well, not being contented must be everyone's nature. i guess.

this contentment issue for me boils down to who i have become over the past ten years. a self evaluation paper yielded the following: my family is not a priority (i chose time with friends over time with family), things go easy, money slips out from my hand in a swish, i am materialistic, i chose to wander around over going to church, i am hard on my siblings, i prioritize things according to their level of excitement and i don't have any sense of humility, among others.

i find it difficult to sleep after work. most of the times i will be lying on my bed wide awake, my mind is often animated by the things i want to acquire the soonest - a digital slr, a blackberry smartphone, a macbook, roundtrip tickets to singapore or hongkong or bangkok, a pair of signature shoes and maybe a pair of signature sunglasses.

without me noticing it, all these thoughts and all these ways of living are intoxicating me and the person that i was.

during my visit to grandma last week, i realized something - i have to become part of that place again and i am looking forward to seeing what is the next me.